Jokes!
A frog goes to have his fortune told. The swami looks at his little webbed palm and says, "Aha! You're about to meet a beautiful young lady who is going to want to know
everything about you." The frog says, "Thanks! I'm going to run right back to the pond so I won't miss her." The swami replies "You won't meet her at the pond. You're gonna to meet her in a freshman biology class."
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
A man went to the Olympics and saw a young man walking around carrying a long, slender pole. "Are you a pole vaulter?" he asked as the young man went by. "Nein, I'm German. Und how did you know my name ist Valter?" he asked.
Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."
The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The sixth-graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" another student asked. "Nope," he replied. " It's a bee flat."
A farmer in an up old truck was driving to town when he spotted a hiker carrying a backpack and a big suitcase. Being a caring man, the farmer pulled over and asked the young man if he wanted a ride. Even though the truck looked like it was about to fall apart, the young man put his suitcase in the back and climbed aboard. But the farmer was confused when he noticed the man still wearing the backpack. "Why don't you take a load off, and put that pack in the back with your suitcase?" asked the farmer. The hiker responded, "That's very kind of you sir, but I wasn't sure if the truck could carry the extra weight. So I thought I'd carry it myself."